Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
