I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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