A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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