OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
