New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
