I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
