Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
