Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
