Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
