i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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