so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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