I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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