there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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