She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
