So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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