a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
