Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
