Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had to cum in my sink.
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