I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
