You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
