Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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