then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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