I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
