Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
