If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
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Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize