you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
