I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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