they need to just BURY HIM!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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