go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want to make a zoo with you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
