It's Friday. Sex?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
