Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
