She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
high people should be assigned attendants
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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