I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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