So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
