You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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