So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
