Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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