i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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