FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
