If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
