I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'd cum for enchiladas.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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