In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
