So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
