When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She's the barista slut.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
