Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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