why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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