yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The air was thick with penises
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
