You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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