remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
