can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
