discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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