the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
