Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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