you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
