im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
