Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
