Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't turn off my feet"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
