You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
