What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
