Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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