i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
