I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
