my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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