i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
