I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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