I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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